From High Brow Pirate to Hometown Pastor

I feel like I made a blogging blunder.  Actually, I made a few blogging blunders.

The first blunder was not keeping it up regularly.  Sorry about that.

The second was the confusing switch to http://piratepastor.wordpress.com.  It was one of those things that seeemed like a good idea from some strange esoteric point of view, but was really rather silly.  People got used to coming here and I enjoyed the conversations.  I miss the conversations and I do not know if they will ever return to the level they once were, but I hope we get to see reflections of that honesty.

In my next blog I will touch on that and what may or may not have happened to my own vulnerability.

Anyway, if you read what I say, read it here, this will be the only place from now on….honest.

The weight of responsibility is on me right now.  I have started a few businesses and I have been a part of a few start ups.  Vision and passion drove me and excited me.  They were always exciting and I have no regrets save for some debt I incurred in the process.  But in this case, there are a lot of eyes watching this thing.  Some are watching with hope, others with suspicion.  Some think I am a swell guy and others think I am the next apostate.  But this is not about me.  This is about people.  This is about people who could be a community on a journey together.  Sharing life and pains and joys and sorrows and hurts and fears and laughter and passions under a God who gave them these things and wants that path to be rich and beautiful. 

For whatever reason, God put this in my heart.  But I am an imperfect vessel.  I am just me and I am prone to some big mistakes in life.  Have I done enough?  Have I done too much?  Have I done the right things and have I believed the right things and spoken the right things?  Is this meant to last for years or merely a few months.  And if it is only a flash in the pan…is the whole point of that flash because God wanted to make a difference in ONE life and in this current existence I will never be privy to that greater purpose and see the fruit this tree produced before it got cut down? 

This is why the measure of success is so important.  Because, as Mother Theresa expressed, we are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful. I want to be faithful.  Perhaps a revision to the measure should be…just to be faithful and let the chips fall where they may?

I dunno…..I just don’t wanna be the one who screws this up so I pray and I study and I hope and I meditate and I listen to my heart and try to sift the goat from the sheep that is in me.  

Not too long ago I had coffee with another pastor.  As I try to avoid naming names (for now), we will call him Pastor Minion. He works for Pastor "Billy Mays" Pitchman.  Well, Minion and I were chatting and Minion told me about his concerns if I continued to go this route of starting a church the way I am.  His concerns are I will destroy my family, my faith, and hurt other people.  I pressed him as to why this would happen he told me that it is because I refused their assessment program and offer of resources and by choosing to go with Fran and Lifespring as my partner church as opposed to with his group in the WCA.  Furthermore, I will not have a tenth of the resources they could have offered and they know all about Fran’s planting efforts in another town. Before you think me a sell out to negative criticism..lemme explain something. I was abused as a child and it left me sensitive and with this need to be liked and accepted.  I have taken criticism for starting this church.  In some circles it is referred to as the Great Apostasy of Pat Green.  I am cool with that.  Most of the time I kinda enjoy taking heat…but from the right person..said the right way…it will cut me deep.  This time, it cut deep because I respected and trusted Minion. 

It is now time for some facts.  Almost two years ago I poured out my heart to Pastor Pitchman and Minion about my desire to go back to ministry.  I was looking for support and community and gave them an invitation to lead me in this journey.  Then a door opened to go back to Bible College.  They knew….no comment.  Then I graduate.  Nothing…not a comment, a congrats, or an acknowledgment.  One day I wrote seven pages about what a church could look like and I thought God might be telling me to make this.  I told Minion and his group about it…nada.  Showed it to Fran.  He offered me time, friendship, and this vision support and with wisdom and a great example…he, his board, and his community have helped form me and shape me into the troublemaker for love that I am today. When I made the move to the support that was organically offered I am suddenly an issue with some counter offer and now that I did not do it their way…well…I will destroy everything near to me and possibly open some rift in space and time and break the universe?  No.  I do not think so.

Hey!  Let’s take a look at the methods we use for planting churches today…shall we?  It will be fun! First, you will think you have a call of God on your life to be a vocational minister.  If you do not happen to have a divinity degree from a Liberal Arts Bible College…you will have to go into debt to the tune of 40-100 thousand dollars.  Okay, so now you have to take your broke and indebted ass that has not worked for four years and send in an application.  Contained in the application will be the following sorts of things:

- Personal Information (including photo)
- Resume
- References
- Testimony & Call to Plant Questionnaire
- Marriage & Family Questionnaire
- Theology, Core Values, and Pastoral Theology Questionnaire
- Planting Strategy & Timeline Questionnaire
- Personality Profiles
- Phone Interview
- Preaching Sample
- Confidential Questionnaire

All of this is put through a matrix to determine your worth as a person of God and ability to cut it. If the matrix says you are a swell guy and your wife is swell and kids are cute…well, they will take the time to get to know you and develop a relationship. See, we must  make sure you score well in a number of areas relevant to the characteristics of a successful church planter before we get to know you.  I mean, to do the subjective before the objective would be…well…crazy.

So hey, now you are a lead-planter applicant!  Wheeee!  You now get a personal assessment interview and then your spouse is interviewed to make sure the bitch fits in.  What I mean is they will sit down for an interview/coaching time with you and your wife (required) and scrutinize your background, your plans, your strategy and perform a SWOT analysis!!!! Now comes another step to determine your readiness and potential in planting. If you pass this, you will hit the next stage. Develop of their…uh..I mean…your strategy and plan your next steps. If you are ready to plant and they and the cosmo magazine plagiarized tests claim you are ready, you are approved as a candidate as they help you establish your action timeline, and you get permission to gather your core group and funding.  Sounds like CEO boot camp so far.  Now, from here we will do demographic analysis of your preferred residential area of ministry, perform a financial viability analysis, canvass the area with marketing to create awareness and excitement and create a dynamic and entertaining worship service to draw people into the Sunday structure and tithing dynamic and get a building project underway with attendance goals for the first three years based on a formula.  Failure to reach said goals may result in reassessment and/or loss of central funding.  Once you have a spiffy building…consider it a starter home as one day you will go for a campus…along the way…you might even help some people.

Tell me again what I am missing out on?  Man, it is a wonder Jesus and 12 kinda dense guys and couple of unmarried chicks ever got this whole thing started.  I mean…it is clear that based on all this…they did it wrong.

Also, church planters…that crap they give you about 80% of all church plants failing?  Buncha crap.  I got better numbers if you wanna email me.

I needed to add some balance here.  I am never hip to people who pee on my leg and tell me it is raining.  This week, and this entire journey has not all been sunshine and roses.  I am thrilled that there are people opening up to me.  But their wounds are so deep and I know that there are things I want to say that they have heard 100 times.  I need to make these moments count.  I don’t have a magic wand to make it all go away and I do not have all the answers.  The pressure of feeling the pain of others is what I want and need to do, but it is not always easy.  Also, I am me…why do they trust me?  I am painfully aware of my lack of angelic life. 

The calling. We focus so often on the romantic parts of it.  But it is not all that.  When called, you do not become more holy in a heartbeat.  Heck, if you are honest with yourself, you become painfully aware of your failings and shortcomings.  It is that humility and the hurt you may have caused others in the past that sometimes creates doubt.  The challenge is to channel it right.  It is that knowledge of your impoerfection that can allow you to see God’s hand.

Me?  I did not open many of these doors.  But here they are.

Other pastors.  I am a 50/50 mix on this one.  Some think I am a swell guy and God wants this to happen.  The others think I am a heretic.  On both sides they do not completely get this vision.  I’m still human and the latter hurts sometimes.  But most of the time, the good accolade outweighs and the ones who DO stand in my corner…I look at how they conduct themselves and how they love and I juxtapose that with the ones who disagree.  I used to be those guys…the good ones, however…I could ask for no better partners, mentors, or friends.

So yeah, I am scared.  I have doubt and fears.  But I am working through them as best I can.  

This blog, for instance.  I do not know who is reading it all the time, but this blog is one of the most honest things I have ever done.  I’m not trying to pontificate, know it all, or impress…I am just here. 

I am not one who follows convention without questions.  I question pretty much everything as opposed to accepting the status quo.  Going into a church plant there are a lot of conventions that are accepted.  I have read some of the play books and feel most of them fail to account for the least of these.  I am not sure, for instance, that an 80 year old man who claims God spoke to him in a burning bush would be qualified to start a church according to the WCA play book.  I know that Jesus and Paul and Peter would not pass their standards or accept their assumptions or measure of success.

When I talk to non Christians or Christians who are not hep cats to the Evangelical lingo, they always say that it is cool and then they ask me what the church will do and look like and feel like.  When I speak with Evangelicals, they say it is cool, but their first question is always the same.  "Have you got your core?"

Now, for those of you who do not speak Christian-ese, the core is a core group of people who you meet with before starting the church.  These people are supposed to share your vision and take some role in its beginnings.  Elders, deacons, worship leader, greeter, that sort of thing.  

Now, this is a church that is meant for people who have given up on church or been wounded/ignored by the church.  Someone needs to apologize to these people and help them through this journey of life and not only accept and embrace unconditional love and grace, but know what that means to your life.  Frankly, I am great at talking to those people.  I KNOW those people.  I love those people. 

I have been in a panic, because I am not really that good at talking to Christians who have their s### together.  It is also hard for me, admittedly, to ask people to be a part of this vision.  I can tell them about the vision and minister to people with ease…asking you to follow me on this quest is hard for me.  I am still trying to work out why.  Maybe I lack confidence, faith, or whatever.

In my Tuesday meeting with Fran we have spent the last two weeks with me trying to work this out.  Today, Fran helped shape my vision and my perception on this and take the sting out of it.   It seems changing perception takes me back to the core of what this vision is about. 

I am looking at the people wrong and trying to fit them into categories.  What needs to happen is to just invite people to meet with me over the summer.  We have some bbq once every other week and start talking about what it means to be a follower of Jesus and a church and explore this together and let the "core" organically develop from there.

This church is driven by a desire for a real community that changes lives and improives lives and the core needs to reflect that.  So, the convention of a core is a good one, but the execution of the core cannot be formula driven.