From High Brow Pirate to Hometown Pastor

Before I go another step further.  I am a Jesus Christ Superstar junkie.

Tell me what happened is a question I have been getting from so many people today and it is hard to encapsulate it all.   From two fronts I have this.  Why should you want to know (hee hee hee) and how do you describe something you do not completely understand?  I’m not sure.  I can give blow by blow, feelings, or something else entirely.

Okay, for the volume people.  We had 25 people.  Mostly couples in their mid 30’s to 40’s.  I could have had some more college age people…but hey.  It’s all good.

Now for the spirit of the vibe folk.  Children giggling and impossible to contain socializing before and after "service".  Service was in quotes because I consider that to be a part of service.  The most important part.  People were like family…well..many of them seem to BE family (literally) or they have known each other a few decades.  I love it!

Now for the play by play peeps.  Okay, set up was a breeze.  People came. Tony kept reminding me that no matter how many people we get it is all good. Dana had Cameron as her guitarist not show.  Ace from the north burbs came with his crew of Allison and Cassie and Ace grabbed Jens guitar and played the song (Down in Flames) so Dana could sing her heart out.  Sing she did.  Mario sang his heart out as well.  WOW!  Jen and Dana led worship and it was simple and good.  Then I preached.  I preached from Amos and Isaiah and Matthew and spoke about all the stuff I speak about here.  Can I be honest for a moment?  I am still not comfortable preaching…I just like talking.  This first service I had to an MC…it will be sooo nice to not have to do that and to have more opportunity for interaction in future services…but this service….well…I had to set the tone of what we are, are not, and what we want to be.  It was a good day.  We were there about 4 hours.

After service I had to visit two coffeehouse kids in the hospital.  One has a lung in serious jeopardy and the other has mystery pain.   But…you do not get to preach Mt 25 and think your gonna get away with anything less.  I would have loved to have bought some people lunch, but I had to go be with the kids. 

Overall, it was a good first day and the beginning of something that I hope is good.

I am about to delve into my open source roots.  Around 2001 I discovered Open Source Software and from 2004 until 2007 it paid the bills and put food on my table.  What is this and how does it relate to being a church?

For the non geeks I will not bore you with the really cool details.  Lemme summarize.  Hacker culture decided it would be better to open the source code for all to view.  This allows for collaboration and improvements.  If we all have the code, we can all use the code to modify it and make the program better…and the really cool part is that we can share it.  Now, those of you who are not coders would think…so what?  Here is the so what.  Since 2004 I have had the latest and the greatest and the most stable software and I have not had to pay a penny for it.  The creators shared it with me.  I have an office suite, I can create websites, I can balance my budget, organize my photos and music and even edit videos.  Now, if something does not work the way it should or is not doing something that I think would be cool…I can send messages to the developers and they can remove bugs, improve the security and maybe even like my keen idea. I am not much of a programmer, but I am a whiz bang bug reporter and I have found that my detailed bug reports have actually helped projects that I use on a daily basis improve.  I have a voice…I am a part.  People who CAN code can see my bug reports and DO something about them.  People who see validity to my keen idea and see others want the same keen idea to happen and they share the excitement…they can make it so (we have word count on OOo Write-we did not have that 4 years ago!!!!).

A brilliant man named Eric S Raymond wrote an essay called "The Cathedral and the Bazaar".  In it he compares traditional software as the Cathedral.  A hierarchy dictates  what is to be made and others have to make it and still others have to accept what has been put together as is.  In the Bazaar everything is changing and happening and moving and adjusting and it is what the people make it and that may change day after day and we all benefit.  Anyway, before I suck all the life out of his work, lemme drive this ship home.

In a real community we share each others discoveries, hearts, traditions, worship, and so forth.  I do not dictate to the masses how we are a church, but we, as a community become the church together.  Ever changing, ever dynamic, always beautiful….and the best part of all….everyone is a part of it and there is no hierarchy except for the one we communally serve and love willfully.  

When a community makes itself and does not dictate, we allow the holy spirit the room it needs to be an integral part of us.  We all have a role, including (and especially) God.  When we remove our finite bad selves from thinking we got the answers and work it out together…we can be what God intended for us to me.  And that is more than we ever could have imagined.

The Bible is our core kernel and we cannot improve on that piece of code.  But the community we build around that core is a project we should all be invited to share…not just on Sunday…but every day.

You would think with less than three days to go that I would be blogging about this Sunday.  No.  I have been ill the last few days and the fever has forced me to the bed.  Anyway…worship.  I have had this argument with a few people and when I talk about purpose when the discussion of style is brought up, I am told I am missing the point and talking about the wrong thing and then we talk about stylistic stuff.  I have allowed myself to be pressured into unwillful submission on this matter and have the discussion on other people’s terms.

Today I was doing one of my exercises in surfing for images.   I have a rather vast library of images for future purposes.  You just never know when you need to break out a picture for the website or church program or power point on various topics of life and faith.  To avoid problems with artist and to respect intellectual property I use flikr and a few other places where I can search for pictures licensed under creative commons.  This is a licensing mechanism used by artists who expressly welcome you to use and even modify their work and I am eternally grateful to these artists who choose this route. 

The topic of the day for me was prayer.  I find pictures of people in desperate moments of prayer to be stunning and alarming and honest. Well, you try mixing words together in search engines so you can focus on what you really want.  I came across a photo called willow creek worship.  It struck me as…well..wrong.  It was off.  It seemed untrue.

What do I see?  I see carefully created lighting effects, spotlights on singers, elevated musicians…and they are on a stage.  A stage for people to observe and bask in the glory of the musicians.   No different than a concert.  We may see hands raised, but is that not rather the equivalent of a lighter in the air or a cell phone weaving in the air? 

The congregation becomes in this moment, not a community with equal expression of voice, but an audience carefully led and crafted and dictated by a professional entertainer.  In the early church, the worship was in the hands of the congregation and the community, not the assigned and orchestrated will of the pastor.  So where did we get this modern form of worship?  Constantine!!!!  Yayyyy!!! Wheeee!!!! Frelling PUKE!!!!

See.  Constantine developed choirs to celebrate the Eucharist.   He borrowed from Roman and Greek pages which focused on processionals and recessionals and professionally trained musicians.  Heck, by AD 367 congregates were banned from singing.  This was only for the trained and holy choir.  The congregation not only became spectators for oration, but also in music.  Shadows of this control exist today.  The Reformation and Luther would encourage the congregants to sing again…but we were still hamstrung.  The organ or the choir would still dictate the tone of the worship TO the community as opposed to the community finding the tone in their hearts. 

Now we enter the worship team.  My arch nemesis to authenticity and a convention that I am told if I do not embrace, I am doomed.  Ah the front of the stage has plants in front of wires and monitors.  We have our drums, keys, lead guitar, base, rhythm, special singers and a large screen with a fancy power point presentation showing me the lyrics.  Now begins 20-45 minutes of prescribed order.  The first songs are usually upbeat to get some hand clapping, body swaying, hand raising, etc.  Typically the lyrics reflect a lot of songs that use the possessive "I"I, "me", "my" ..the band will leave and the pastor will dominate the rest of worship and then the band will return to give us some mood music to give money, take communion and then play us out to go home. 

If this church fails because we refused to accept good solid convention for marketing and branding…so be it.  But the people I am surrounded by, they get this and they don’t care as much of those well meaning advisors with bad advice.  I don’t have tents, I don’t have a well put together music plan, I just have some honest people looking for non orchestrated community and an opportunity to do something-and share something-deep and rich and with meaning. 

What is there no room for in the picture?  There is no room for God in this.  No room for the Holy Spirit in this.  No room for real community in this.  Do I know the right answer?  No…but I am sniffing for it…but this…this is a stage show and not worship.  I got some kick ass pics of worship if you wanna see them.

Today, may you worship the Lord who loves you. May you find your inner voice in song or service or in a simple act of love.  

A simple way does not promise a lot of pizazz, a simple way does not use movie clips from the trendy DVD release, a simple way does not entertain and wow you.  A simple way is following the narrow path.  A simple way will stretch you, change you, and move you.  A simple way is deeper and more reqarding, but it is also harder.  That narrow path will always have a small contingent.  That is not only all right, it is also good.

The weight of responsibility is on me right now.  I have started a few businesses and I have been a part of a few start ups.  Vision and passion drove me and excited me.  They were always exciting and I have no regrets save for some debt I incurred in the process.  But in this case, there are a lot of eyes watching this thing.  Some are watching with hope, others with suspicion.  Some think I am a swell guy and others think I am the next apostate.  But this is not about me.  This is about people.  This is about people who could be a community on a journey together.  Sharing life and pains and joys and sorrows and hurts and fears and laughter and passions under a God who gave them these things and wants that path to be rich and beautiful. 

For whatever reason, God put this in my heart.  But I am an imperfect vessel.  I am just me and I am prone to some big mistakes in life.  Have I done enough?  Have I done too much?  Have I done the right things and have I believed the right things and spoken the right things?  Is this meant to last for years or merely a few months.  And if it is only a flash in the pan…is the whole point of that flash because God wanted to make a difference in ONE life and in this current existence I will never be privy to that greater purpose and see the fruit this tree produced before it got cut down? 

This is why the measure of success is so important.  Because, as Mother Theresa expressed, we are not called to be successful, we are called to be faithful. I want to be faithful.  Perhaps a revision to the measure should be…just to be faithful and let the chips fall where they may?

I dunno…..I just don’t wanna be the one who screws this up so I pray and I study and I hope and I meditate and I listen to my heart and try to sift the goat from the sheep that is in me.  

For those of you who don’t know, in the 80’s and 90’s there was a Christian Pop singer named Steve Taylor.  He was a bit of a rebel then.  Youth Pastors did not like him and the kids loved him.  I was one of those underground fans.  This was the title of one of his songs from the album, "I Predict, 1990".  In the song he points out the folly of materialism and wealth as being the measure of your success.  Towards the end of the song the rich and powerful man talks about how his heirs are gathering around him like buzzards on the kill and he sees his greedy reflection in their eyes and regrets it.  He claims he would gladly watch it all burn just to have another sunrise. 

So now here we are in 2008 and as I start this church, I am asked a question by many pastors that have been through the planting process or helped other planters of various denominations and there is a question that is asked that I am never sure how to answer. "Patrick, what is the measure of your church’s success."  When I answer changed lives, they ask me how many.  Last night a friend named Alex asked the question and it followed the usual script.  When I answered the question about how many with, "It doesn’t matter." , his face lit up and he gave me an attaboy that felt good. Alex is a man of high standards and principle and it was one of the first times I have had someone not look at me like I grew a third eyeball in the center of my head.

So many people have focused on one thing and told me without this element the church would never succeed.  As I have reflected on those sentiments and seen what is important to them in their respective churches, it has finally occured to me that what we value and find important are different.  Yes, these are people with sincere faith, but they are sincerely putting the emphasis on the wrong things.  Sunday attendance, tithes and offerings, buildings, and so forth.

I remember when I was starting a business I went and asked a friend of mine named Todd for advice.  He told me (with cynicism as this was not his real position) that is you want to have a business succeed you need a great lawyer, a great accountant, and a mediocre idea.  Understand, Todd rarely has quality legal representation and accounting…but he always has ideas that are ahead of their time in all of his business ventures.   In many of the church planting models and church growth models we chase, the sentiment seems to be as follows.  If you want to have a successful church, you need a great worship band, a great kids program, and great preaching with a weakened understanding of the brilliant gospel that Jesus speaks.  The core idea is mediocre but the less important elements are put on the forefront.  

The measure of my success is one less starving child in the world, one less single mom who has to give a blow job to someone to get her car fixed, one less wife who lives in fear of the next beating, one less kid who feels the need to cut himself, one less person who stares into the mirror and instead of seeing beauty…sees someone who needs to jam a finger down the throat to purge the meal that nourishes the body, and one less person restricted from the community because of who they love.  The measure of my success is one more person who loves others without abandon, one more person who is no longer scared of the dark because they have found light, one more person who smiles to the stranger and loves the lonely, and one more person who looks at the real message of Jesus and says…yeah!  This is rich and beautiful and spiritual and frees me as opposed to chokes me in golden handcuffs.

It would be awesome if the preaching is good, the kids program is good and the music is good…but it is not the measure of our success.  

From the moment I became a Christian I was given fences.  I was told what music I could now listen to and what music I had to stop listening to (still cannot believe I tossed my copy of FogHat Live-Curse you Pastor DON!!!!!!!  CUUURRRSSSEEEEE  YYYYOOOOOUUUU you ass clown!!!!)

I was told what role playing games I could play and which ones I had to throw away (Issues 1-60 of Dragon Magazine in the waste can).

I was told which girls I could date and which ones I could not so as not to be yoked with unbelievers.  

I was told which fiction I could read and not read.

I was told which friends I could have and which friends I could not have.

I was the church’s bitch. I was a good lemming who loved when told to and hated when told to and justified as needed.  I was a slave. 

Now here I am, I have been given freedom by the same Jesus my masters told me owned me.  This Jesus has called me to create a new body..a new community.  I am here to free some and find some escapees and help them learn to live as free men and free women.  Just look at who we have in my group.

I have a few pagans, some GLBT peeps, a Muslim, some single dads, some single moms, some married women, some waitresses, and some college kids blindly trying to work out this thing called life.  We read dangerous books, we listen to bad music, we date and marry the wrong people, we play the wrong games and see the wrong films and plays. 

We misbehave.  I remember a Jesus who made water to wine at a wedding, let a prostitute undo her hair and intimately brush his feet with her locks, hung with centurions and tax collectors and all sorts of shady people and gave them freedom.  He misbehaved.

I aim to misbehave.

I am sorry I have been quiet lately.  I would like to tell you that I have been absorbed with meeting people and reading and discussion…but I have been focusing on the wrong things and almost forget about the core. 

I have said this is not about Sunday and now that we have a Sunday service coming up with a space and everything…people are really getting weird and until a few hours ago I allowed myself to be swept up into the sea of conformity and attractional thought disguised with a dash of emergent verbiage.

Well, the kid is back.  

Yeah, we got a Sunday service, but at the core of that no matter what the flyers look like, how the music sounds, how the seats are arranged and what kind of donuts are served and what color the frakking drapes are….there is a core that has resonated with everyone I spoke with.  I have a core of people who do not care about these things and just kind of shrug their shoulders about this stuff and wonder why I am even bringing it up.  So what resonated with them? I can tell you what resonated with them that transcends all of that that I just read in a book.  Two words.  Me too!

I’m a member of a 12 step program.  I won’t say which one, because it is really none of your dang business. If you have ever been to one, you see a different world.  You see people who have at some point in life hit rock bottom.  They no longer care about pretense, facades, and games.  They know each others tricks and lies and games because they have all played the games.  Now they sit here in a room and get to be honest and vulnerable and raw and get to hear magic words.  Yeah….me too.

People are struggling, hurting, limping, doubting, and barely hanging in there.  When someone knows the temptations and the pains and the loneliness and they look into your eyes and say, me too…that can save a life and pierce the darkness of our lonely lives.  People are tired of being judged or lectured and feeling alone.  The need to know that someone gets it and is human enough to understand and say…Me too.

That simple thing I have done and I have done well.  That simple thing people resonate with.  That simple thing is what is changing the lives of the people I meet.  You can try, but you cannot market and brand and add a slogo to the conversations I have had and the tears that well up in people’s lives when we talk about life and hurt one on one. 

If every revolution needs a spark and an event that overcomes the years of oppression and despair that others feel.  Then the catalyst and the symbol will not be a really good Sunday service.  The mission is more important to me than the mechanics.  My measure of success is not seeped in numbers or Sunday.  I have 2 little college kids who have raised over $300 for Haiti.  I know it is not a banquet or a 4 digit offering…but from the source, from the heart of these two ladies…the least of these made $300 difference to the least of these because I know other churches with swell messages, kids programs, music, and printing budgets have turned them away and yet…they come to me and I have nothing to offer them other than time and my ears and my arms to hug them.  While they have been out there pushing this dream and raising the equivalent of what an average Haitian family earns in a year!!!!!!  (WOW!) I have been worrying about stupid shit and not spending the proper time with them. 

I cannot duplicate Dana, Sammie, Puma, Tony, Lana, Berto, Karen, Liz, Mistey, Mario, Chris, and others if I put what drew us all together on the back burner to make Sunday happen and claim we are not about Sunday.I am not spending the right amount of time with them.  I have 2..count them…2 friends who are dying of cancer and each day they are here is a precious gift.  They are both moms, they both have kids, they are both gonna leave their kids to men who do not have the same level of character they do and they know it.  They are also both younger than I am.  Am I taking the time to treasure the gift of another day I have with them in my life?  No…I am arguing and fretting over silly little mechanics. 

Ya know what.  If this thing is 10 of us in a room for the next 5 years and we get it.  We might be doing better than some mega churches out there.

It’s time to go be bad guys and do this thing.

We have a preacher dude, we have women to bake goodies (without nuts), we have some people who wanna say hi to other people, and we got someone who wants to play guitar and someone else willing to sing.  I need some mic stands…but other than that….good to go.  Time to get back to loving peeps.  This is in the bag.

If you do not believe me…come on over on Nov 30 and see for yourself.  If you do not like what you see…throw something at me.  

Oh gosh that felt good.

Planters…if you say something….mean it.  What works to draw the core is more than some formula.  It is an intangible that becomes tangible.  It is love that becomes action and that becomes relational and that builds more love.