From High Brow Pirate to Hometown Pastor

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june 26^th entry

On wed we flew to Miami and stayed at a laquinta inn overnight. In the morning we got up at six to make the 7am shuttle to the air port. Our flight was supposed to leave at 10, it did not leave until almost 2 pm. We had a connecting flight at 3 pm to the city of jereme. We missed it. When we got there I saw sights I was not used to. Parts of the airport looked like it used to have a terminal inside, but does not really. We walked across the tarmac into confusion. I was alone from my group trying to find our bags for two minutes. In that time I had a police officer yell at me and I am not sure why. My group came and it seemed to not be an issue any more. Our drivers assistant showed and he called me the Big Chief. I will keep that name. The driver and all his associates are..shall we say…connected. We were told to leave the terminal…do not let anyone touch our bags, and keep close. I got separated and I was trying to keep up. I hit a woman with my luggage cart in the confusion, I did not mean to and I felt bad about it. But i then had others swoop in and another associate of the driver ran interference and got me through a sea of people I could not describe.

Then we left. The roads were nice..or okay. To be honest it started to look like a worse version of the east side of joliet…until w crossed a street. first there is the smell, then you see the people in narrow streets that are like alleys and wild dogs and pigs eating garbage. In the middle of this hell there is a 4 star hotel. An oasis in hell. We checked into the hotel and e had some drinks, a nice dinner, and bottled water. I could look over the balcony and see hell.

I went to the bar at the visahotel we are at and spoke to two different missionaries from two different groups. They told me about what they do and it is amazing. I also learned that if the humanitarian efforts all ended in Haiti, the world here would stop.

In about five hours I leave the comfort of ac and hop on a plane to Jereme. I other words..it gets worse and I do not get to visit a pretty hotel with wifi and c and a bar. This bar and this hotel is like the crossroads for all the missionaries. It is amazing.

In other news…the UN sucks. They are here but they do noting. They are not here to provide relief. They stop riots…but when there are no riot they mostly work out, eat out, and screw young Haitian girls. The UN sucks.

Before I continue.  A great person with a Honda Rebel wanted to know about the Father Dennis sermon.  Dennis told his congregation about his friendship with an evangelical pastor who is starting a church.  He spoke about how I am creating a church that is a refuge for the ignored…but not ignored by society, but by the church.  Something to ponder.  There was more to it, but that was the essential part. 

So yes, the slump is over.  The website is done.  Check it out at http://lifebridgebolingbrook.org .  I think I needed to see forward momentum.  As I fleshed out the website I began to see where we were as a group and I began to see that this was a mere dream almost a year ago and that is a revival of the dream of a younger man in 1989.  Not bad.  

We can do this.  We’re on a mission from God.  

Tuesday’s are my meetings with Pastor Fran and I had to admit I am in a rut.  It has been going on for a few days.  He told me he has those often.  Sometimes you just do not feel like things are moving at the rate you want them to…but you have to work past it and know that things may be exactly where they are meant to be…but if you do not pull out of the rut…you may stall out.  I am not worried.  It felt good to be honest.  I will also be honest when I say I do not know the source of the rut…but I am working at it. 

So I have been struggling with the site for so long that I have not wanted to work on it.  Here is the thing.  Every blasted thing I am doing for this church is an extension of me and the lessons I have learned and the heart God put in me.  If you put a gun to my head and forced me to describe the church in one sentence…I would say…Elegant simplicity seeped in love.  But the site…I have suddenly turned into a writer and a marketer.  Screw it.  I am going with my gut and the design is simple and the words and what I write will be seeped in love. 

Today is Sunday and I kinda allow myself a sabbath on Sundays.  It was mostly just being a dad.  I did have a friend come by with her daughters unexpectedly.  I will not go into details, but I took to the unexpected visit in an unkind way.  They were just trying to be nice and I was in the middle of family stuff and I treated them like an intrusion and a big fat dork.  Five minutes later I find myself making an apology call to my friend and her daughters.  She called me and we talked and all was settled, but her kids were not quite there yet.  They kinda felt like I was a jerk.  So I sent them an email telling them I was sorry.  Apparantly they never really had an adult male apologize to them, the kids, and care about what they think.  That is a shame, but I am glad I got to redeem myself and make an impression of what a man should be.  So there is a lesson.  This lesson may cost me ice cream, but that is cool. 

 An error, asking for forgiveness, and then having to work at it a little, and then forgiveness comes with a stronger impression than would have existed without being a big fat dork. 

I needed to add some balance here.  I am never hip to people who pee on my leg and tell me it is raining.  This week, and this entire journey has not all been sunshine and roses.  I am thrilled that there are people opening up to me.  But their wounds are so deep and I know that there are things I want to say that they have heard 100 times.  I need to make these moments count.  I don’t have a magic wand to make it all go away and I do not have all the answers.  The pressure of feeling the pain of others is what I want and need to do, but it is not always easy.  Also, I am me…why do they trust me?  I am painfully aware of my lack of angelic life. 

The calling. We focus so often on the romantic parts of it.  But it is not all that.  When called, you do not become more holy in a heartbeat.  Heck, if you are honest with yourself, you become painfully aware of your failings and shortcomings.  It is that humility and the hurt you may have caused others in the past that sometimes creates doubt.  The challenge is to channel it right.  It is that knowledge of your impoerfection that can allow you to see God’s hand.

Me?  I did not open many of these doors.  But here they are.

Other pastors.  I am a 50/50 mix on this one.  Some think I am a swell guy and God wants this to happen.  The others think I am a heretic.  On both sides they do not completely get this vision.  I’m still human and the latter hurts sometimes.  But most of the time, the good accolade outweighs and the ones who DO stand in my corner…I look at how they conduct themselves and how they love and I juxtapose that with the ones who disagree.  I used to be those guys…the good ones, however…I could ask for no better partners, mentors, or friends.

So yeah, I am scared.  I have doubt and fears.  But I am working through them as best I can.  

This blog, for instance.  I do not know who is reading it all the time, but this blog is one of the most honest things I have ever done.  I’m not trying to pontificate, know it all, or impress…I am just here. 

Last night Dennis came over.  Dennis has recently returned to the Catholic Priesthood.  I would qualify him as one of my best friends.  We had a few beers and talked from about 10:30 till 1 am.  Many times we just talk about life, and we did just that, but on this evening…we also talked about people and what it means to be a disciple and a shepherd and an advocate for those who hurt.  It is fascinating.  So many people see the differences between Catholicism and Evangelicalism and so many other isms..that we forget that there is a lot that two guys who just wanna be better followers of Christ can share.  Some would call him a progressive Catholic and other would call me a progressive Evangelical.  The assumption is that somehow one of had to cross over some imaginary fence and into another camp.  To be honest…that is not the case.  But, at the end of the day..you have two fragile and imperfect guys who are both called to serve God and we are both trying to work out what that means every single day.  When we sit in a room together, yes, we approach things from our backgrounds and experiences…but we also know that there is a God that transcends denomination bounds and dogma and theology and is more interested about these two guys trying to figure out life and love people.  A wonderful night talking about what we have in common in our beliefs.  I enjoyed it and I always enjoy Dennis knowledge and wisdom in certain matters.  Hey!  I made discussion in his sermon!!!  More about that in the next entry. 

In the morning my mother came over to get Jessica.  It was all good.  I then went and had lunch with an old friend.  She is single and has never been married.  For many that defines her.  For me, it is her spirit, her dedication, and her constant perseverence that defines her.  A good lunch.

After that I had a wonderful early evening call with a dear friend who I care for a lot.  Then Jess and I went to O’Hare to pick up  Jen from the airport.  It was good to see daughter and mother reunited.  When I got home I spent over an hour on the phone with someone.  I will not say whom and I will not say what it was about…but the person opened up their heart and let a raw honesty about their life spill forth in an astounding way I have never seen.  This person has a lot of wounds.  A lot of hurts.  I am honored and touched with the level of trust and honesty given to me.

Today was a good day.  The bonds are being built…not sure what the next step is yet…but after this week, I am more convinced than ever that this is the place I am supposed to be at in this moment.  

Today was a day chock filled with community. 

It started off with me having a double date.  Me with my daughter and Ken with his daughter.  We went to Brookfield Zoo near Chicago.  Hot dogs, ice cream, and sharing life.  He is divorced and his daughter is here for a precious short time every summer.  Imagine trying to fill a lifetime of moments into one summer.  She lives in Kansas.  We had a wonderful time and it was good.

Then I grabbed Dana and Kevin.  They are a young couple and engaged.  They hope to be married next year.  Trying to figure each other out is a hard road.  I think anyone who is married or has been married knows how arduous a road it is..but when it is right, it is so rewarding.  Anyway, they went with me to the East side of Joliet to help with a food pantry.  They worked as a team on distributing the meat.  This is the hardest part of the food pantry.  It is where you see people in need sometimes getting greedy as opposed to grateful.  They did it with smiles.  I give them credit for the way they handled themselves and it was great watching them talk to Pastor Fran and Laurie and others from Lifespring.  I am proud of both of them for their willingness to help out and keeping a good attitude about it.  It was fun spending time with them. 

I got home and was hoping to jump in the shower to wash a day of sweat off before the next portion of my day.  But as I was about to head upstairs I see Elizabeth’s car pull in the driveway.  I’ve not seen her in over 15 years.  She was a good sport going with me and Jess to have some Buffalo Wild Wings.  Then we came back to the homestead and we chatted a bit as adults do when seven year olds are taking a bath.  

I had a delightful day with her.  

End of the day I do not know if any of these people will be a part of the church, but they are a part of my life and I treasure this day of just building community.  Building relationships.  You do not enter these relationships in the hopes they will change, join your church, or any ulterior motive.  You become a part of their lives because you truly care for them.  Anything else is a bonus.  I am there for them in whatever capacity I can be there for them.  

It was a wonderful day and I am enriched for it.  This was a lesson in community and relationships.  Just another day.  

In a few minutes Dennis will come over and the bonding continues.  I love this calling.  Sure beats a normal job.  

Last night I was reflecting on the journey so far.  Some months ago when I talked to Pastor Fran, his planting team, and his elders, I spoke about all the hurt people I wanted to draw in.  I spoke of all the needs and the people made to feel like second class citizens.  I began to wonder if God was nuts to call me.  I began to wonder if I would reach these people. 

Well, here are the people in my life that I have met.  I will x out their names for now.

xxx has cancer and will die soon. 

xxx is in the middle of a divorce from an abusive husband who cheats.

xxx and xxx are still grieving the loss of a child they knew for three days. 

xxx is a cancer survivor who’s husband left as her hair fell out and now she is recovered and the hair has grown back and he wants her back.

xxx and xxx live together but still want a church and a community to call home.

xxx is divorcing a dangerous dude who claims he can make her go away.  Funerals are cheaper than divorces he claims.  Nice guy, eh?

xxx is needy and scared of everything and everyone thinks he is a brave hero.

 Real people with real hearts and real problems.  They want a community and they want this church and they are scared and hurt.

But to be honest, I am not sure how we all found each other.  Here they are.  I have a feeling there are more out there. 

I have no conclusions at the moment, just a reflection.

So today, what did I do to further this ministry?  Not a thing!  I took my daughter to the city, we had some lunch, watched some planes take off and land, went mini golfing, went to the bookstore, grabbed some Slurpees, had pizza rolls for dinner.  

I had a most wonderful conversation with a dear and old friend I have not seen in over 15 years.  We talked for over an hour on the phone and I get to see her tomorrow.  I talked too much and I really need to learn to shut the f### up sometimes.  I wanna know about her more than I want to babble.  

Later tonight I will tuck in the little one, read a bit from The Intangible Kingdom and the Bible.  Then I may poke around my website design and then off to bed.  

That would be today.   Oh yeah!  I got a very nice postcard from Jay Bakker of Revolution church today.  It was very sweet and it made me smile.  All in all…a good day.

It has been awhile since there has been an entry here.  Ever since the first "core" meeting, I have had to figure out a few things and realize this is, indeed, God’s will.  That meeting and what has followed has been an amazing journey to where I am now. 

Typical church formation involves assembling a small group of people in a room on a regular basis in what is essentially a small group until we hit critical mass and we then go into the goal of a Sunday service and awanas and small groups and retreats.  Not with this vision.  Not with these people.  

Since that first meeting I have had more coffee meets and more lunches than I can shake a stick at. After talking to some people I decided that where we were was exactly where we are supposed to be.  So for now I am meeting people where they live and at their comfort level.  

I have called this the hometown pastor since Bolingbrook is where I live and where I grew up mostly.  Something wondrous has happened.  Over the last few weeks I have been meeting with people I have not seen in 14-20 years.  Some have some deep wounds and they are telling me about them.  Still some of those have captured this idea and want to be a part of it.   We have not had that small gathering in a livingroom.  Frankly, I do not see that happening.  What I do have is an amazing group of real people I meeting with and sharing life with and getting to know who want to be a part of this.

A church is not a Sunday service, a building, a small group, or any of that.  All of those things can be a part of the church.  But the church is you and me and them.  A church is all of us trying to figure out life together.  I have a bunch of people in my world who are trying to do just that.  Now I have to introduce them all to each other.  Now, they have to help me figure out OUR next step.  Will it be a sunday service?  A helping hand for single moms?  Some Bible study?  I do not know.  I do know WE need to figure this out.  

From this point forward I am going to start trying to write daily.  I am not sure how that will go, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to fit weeks into an entry.  There is so much more I want to say about the last few weeks, but no idea where to begin.

Next step starts soon.  Not sure what that will look like, but we have a church, now we just have to figure out what to do with it.